So finally Phil’s Office Olympics came to a close last Friday. We were delayed in getting started a little because the Fire Department had to okay the offices and Tom refused to get professionals to clean up the water and smoke damage in the conference room, and instead insisted that the janitors that came every evening would take care of it. Heh, like that ever happened.
Well, Tom held out for like three days before Katie finally forged his signature on a requisition and we got the room cleaned up. With that, Phil started the "events" he’d made up. I’ll skip the lame descriptions of his even lamer events and skip right to the details I know you’re here for: the injury report.
Tom was (perhaps appropriately) the first casualty. He knocked himself unconscious during the office-chair steeplechase when the tried to gently bump Ned while coming around the corner by the lunchroom and crashed into the soda machine instead. Turns out it wasn’t so bad, because it made the machine give out a free Diet Mountain Dew, and I got to keep it. Score!
Ned went to the hospital when a puck from the table hockey gold-medal match took a wicked bounce and caught him in his man-parts. Jan got the gold by default. We probably should have guessed that whoever played Jan would have ended up in the hospital anyway and taken out extra insurance, but oh well. Live and learn.
Phil of course had thrown his back out the first week of the competition, but refused to admit that he was not at 100%, and cost his team the win in the 10-meter Crab Crawl . He was winning for the first length of the main hallway, and made the turn ahead of the guy from the International Division. Then there was this sickening sound like somebody snapping an entire bunch of celery in half and … well, let’s just say Phil didn’t win that one.
So here’s the final medal wrapup, just for those of you keeping score:
- Office-chair steeplechase : Team Lazy MoFos gets the Gold, Team USA gets to scrub out the coffee pots (even the one in the back of the cabinet that’s growing something from one of those Alien movies)
- Table-top Hockey : Team USA gets the Gold, Team Lazy MoFos gets to come in next Saturday and inventory the office supplies.
- 10-meter Crab Crawl: Team Lazy MoFos gets the Gold, Team USA gets to change the toner cartridges on the copies for a month. Yeah, I’m talking about the leaky ones.
- And finally, in the the Three-tathalon (comprised of paper-wad basketball, the hubcap discus, and the hotly-contested "Name That Stain"): Team USA gets the Gold, and Team Lazy MoFos gets to take Phil’s car out to be detailed.
So, it all turned out as a tie. Honestly I’m surprised super-competitive Phil didn’t think of an odd number of events, but I guess he was expecting his team to sweep. That’s probably for the best, because the team that lost the overall medal race was going to have to fire one of its members. For a second, it looked like both teams were going to have to fire someone until Jan stood up and started shouted that if anyone was going to do any firing it would be her, and she wasn’t going to fire anyone over the Office Olympics, except maybe Phil.
That pretty much ended the Office Olympics for 2008. Phil canceled the closing ceremonies and spent the rest of the day in Tom’s office on his rowing machine.
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