Okay, you’ve got to promise, and I mean promise on your mother’s life that you won’t say anything about this to anyone. Anyone, do you hear me? Swear! I’m not saying another word until you swear. No, I don’t want that half-pack of Thin Mints to tell you. Swear! Okay, I’ll take the Thin Mints.
So I was at the fax machine picking up the … oh wow, these are really good this year <nom nom nom> … right, faxes from Corporate that were supposed to have just our year-end numbers in them. I was going to pretty them all up and give them to Tom so he could pretend to review them and I could go back to listening to Avenue Q. But get this … mmm, did they change the recipe or something, because I would kill all of you for another box of these and a nice spumanti and a bubble bath. Oh yeah, the fax. Well, they must have had that little minx Trina doing the faxes, because I got the Corporate year-end numbers. And not the sanitized version — the real books. And did we make money?! Oh girl, let me tell you, we were like Liberace before he got all weird. We are positively rolling in cash.
Um … hang on … my fingers are sticky. Anyway, something really big is coming up. Because they aren’t planning on giving any of that money away. No, not the United Way. I mean like a dividend. You know, for the stockholders. Please tell me I don’t have to explain how stock works. Ugh, you are just like Dale, I swear, only not as cute. Though the Thin Mints are a nice touch. You can keep that up.
So they’re planning on doing something with all that money. No, I have no idea. They didn’t put that on the fax! Let’s just say I’m all ears until something more useful comes along. Like more Thin Mints. Or some Samoas. I saw you had some of those too. Don’t kid me, I know you do.
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