Now that the bonuses from last year are all paid out, old Ken is looking for the next big thing. When I joined the company last January, I knew this was going to be a cushy gig. After all, with years of inefficient operation at Branch 7, I could just roll through my usual list of tweaks and improvements, and the normal cultural resistance to change would ensure that I’d be able to pull a paycheck there a year or more before I ever had to come up with something original.
Sadly that day has come, which means it’s time to move on before I’m forced to think.
The good news is that Nussey, Zucker, and Milch is looking at hiring someone to come in and clean house, to be the bad guy who makes all the changes, and then moves on. It’d mean going back to being a consultant again, but I know it’s a cushy living for another year. The bad news is that Brad already knows about it. Seems he’s been snooping on my web surfing and figured out it was me who was looking for a new job. And I was even doing it from other people’s computers to make it look less obvious! Guess I should have done it from my own as well, since I was apparently the only one who wasn’t. That’s one to remember next time, for sure.
Anyway, I had to bribe him with a pallet of double-frosted Oreos to keep him quiet, and in the meantime I’m telling everyone that I’m leaving for “greener pastures” — literally. They all think I’m going be a sheep farmer in Michigan. The up-side is that it’s extinguished any rumors that I’m jumping ship for a competitor. The down-side is that I have to endure two weeks of wretched livestock jokes. Let me tell you: it’s bad. How bad is it? Baaaaaaaaad.
See what I mean?
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