January 29, 2009 | Leave a Comment
So with everything going on here business-wise, it’s gotten nothing short of crazy-cakes. I mean apparently Jan got into this macho contest with the HR dude at the other branch, and now she’s out to cut every possible cost. I see the perplexed look on your face like you just saw your first episode of Twin Peaks. No sweat — lemme lay it all out for you.
Things that are no more:
- * Birthday cakes on your birthday. And I was like two weeks away from getting mine. Thanks, lady. Many happy returns.
- * Retirement lunches. It’s dutch-treat now.
- * Salt for the sidewalks. Normally that’s no problem, but when it snows it’s challenging. No problem for me; I was thinking of wearin’ my skates to work anyway. For Jerry with the trick knee though — not so much. I say lawsuit waiting to happen, Jan increases our liability coverage.
- * Toilet paper. Okay, I know this is a little thing, but I got sensitive areas. One day of cleaning up with that razor-thin sandpaper they call “toilet tissue,” and I started bringing my own. No, you can’t borrow it.
- * Teambuilding. So I’m no big fan of The Pretty People, but those poor chumps can’t win for losin’. They asked for money for shirts that said “I’m too sexy for this job.” Jan turned it down. They asked for desklamps with little shades that were printed with the company logo and “I’m brighter than you.” No dice. Same thing with the clocks that had nothing but 5’s all around the dial, the BlackBookBerries in pink, and the promotional hairdriers with matching holsters. I was sure that last one’d get the green light. Butkis.
So we’re back to relatively normal operation, such as it is. We’re still waiting for Jan to announce the results of the savings competition, but with as much as we’ve sacrificed, surely we got this in the bag. Stay tuned. Once we take over that place, I’m gonna make some capital improvements down here in shipping. Starting with one of those clocks …
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