So like the turnin’ of the seasons, the first kickoff at Giants Stadium, and the swallows comin’ back to Catalina, Tom has pretty much capped off the start of the fall with a real winner of an episode worthy of me repeating it to you. So here goes.
So After I got Tom’s boat out of hock from the salvage company (after he accidentlally sunk it by listening to that idiot “efficiency expert”, Ken), he sank a huge amount of money into fixing it back up. And then he of course could’t go and enjoy it normal-wise like the rest of the world. Oh no. He challenged the head of our main competitor, Nussey, Zucker, and Milch to a boat race with both our offices watching.
Now of course I was thinkin’ that idiocy like this deserves to be on videotape, and who better than me than to record this for posterity. So when they shook hands at the dock, got in their boats, and took off when Chastity dropped some lacy thing of hers, I knew this was prime leverage material in the making. What I didn’t count on was how it would all end up.
Now Tom didn’t crash or explode or anything. He was even giving the other guy a real run for his money. That Sally even pulled out in front at the very end, nosed across the finish line to win the race, and accepted a bottle of Dom as his prize. Then things started to go all wrong.
He couldn’t let it be and started flappin’ his gums about the spirit of friendly competition and how the real winners were our two great companies. And that’s when it happened.
I guess he wanted to make a freakin’ grand gesture about how unimportant stuff is when the real important thing was our spirit of cooperation. And to demonstrate his point, he threw the bottle up and over his shoulder. I know, man! That’s Dom he’s tossin’ around like it’s Wild Turkey or somethin’! Of course he couldn’t see where it was headed, but he could see our faces as we watched it arc upwards like a fly ball to short left center field, and then down again. He didn’t bother turnin’ around. He just heard the crash where it hit the other guy’s boat and punched a hole right through the fiberglass deck. Yeah, I know. Apparently those champagne bottles are pretty tough.
Well the party broke up right after that. Oh sorry, no pun intended of course. But Tom’s bummin’ again about his boat because now he has to loan his boat to his friend until he scrapes enough money together to pay for the repairs. Me, I’m hopin’ this’ll be the last of the boat-related incidents this year. Partially because I’m tired of driving back and forth to the marina. But also because I’m tired of finding ways to get Tom out of his various and sundry boat troubles.
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